PEAKS AND TROUGHS

I must admit that I've been stumped for ideas these last few weeks. It's gradually crept up on me that I've felt like I've been in a holding pattern for the last year or so now, working mostly on getting another decent notch on the career bedpost and putting together some cash for the next step. But now that I've well and truly reached the point where I feel like it's time to start walking - or at least drawing a map - it's like my boots have got stuck in the mud somewhere along the way.

I love those times in my life when it feels like all the neurons are firing. The delicious cornucopia of ideas, potential pathways and a burning motivation to get out there and see what the world is doing; it's like a tap stuck on full flow and I'm white water rafting on a river of creativity. But oh, when the tap turns off (and the little anxious voice in my mind starts to wonder if it will ever turn on again), now there's the flipside doldrums that I don't enjoy. And it feels much like this little boat has been sitting at a standstill for months now.

Sometimes there's nothing else for it but to haul ourselves up by our own bootstraps and walk out the door. Go see that arthouse film, catch a play, volunteer at a community centre, take a different route home from work, get out for a walk and most importantly give a voice to those little ideas that have been marinating in the back of your mind. Though I feel stuck, and I'm not sure what step to take next, I am very aware that the things that have been giving me some of the security I've needed since leaving the UK are the same things that are keeping me stuck in the metaphorical mud. And it can be difficult to make life changing plans when we don't have a landing pad pegged out yet. But there's a quiet voice that wants to be heard, reminding me of the things I see in my minds eye when I think about what my ideal life tableau would look like. So I'm throwing around ideas, with the help of sympathetic and like-minded friends, shaking the existential apple tree and seeing what falls out.